Information

For the last two days I have been pruning the inbox of my Gmail account.  Well deleting commercial messages and anything irrelevant to the family and categorizing and storing emails from my children and myself I have been listening to videos and blogs by various experts in Carnivore dieting and ketogenic dieting.  It turns out one of the more informative experts is right around the corner. 

Exercise

For more than a month I have done a daily series of exercises.  I really don't know if my body has benefited from the routine that I perform as I listen to scriptures after saying my prayers.  To some extent I continue because I hate to break my streak.  A few weeks ago on a Sunday morning when I had permitted myself to sleep a little longer than usual I pondered if I could also give myself permission to skip the exercise, but I persisted against my own great desire to subside into bed and catch a little extra sleep.  There are a lot of small routines that have become part of my life in the past few months.  I keep adding others now and then.  Today at the temple I almost headed for the elevator before reminding myself that now I take the stairs.  I have counted 42 stairs from the first to the second level and I suspect it is at least 40 more to the third level.  This makes over 40 feet from first to third floor. 

Memories

Today I have been cleaning out the inbox of my Gmail account.  I have to decide what to discard and what to keep any files by name for family members in particular events.  When it was finally time to stop I had reached a period when I was operated on for cancer. ,My doctor told me that Holo I had a stage for plus cancer it had not metastasized.  During that time I lived with two of my daughters four of their children and one of their husbands and a two bedroom apartment on Manhattan in Washington Heights.  For most of the six months that I lived with them I felt that I was dying and I was.  There are other memories that I encountered as I went through the emails including Lucinda's blossoming as an essayist and the  tragicomedy surrounding my ex-husbands descent into folly.  I love my life my children and the adventures that I am reminded of. I am grateful for my memories.

Fatigue

I have a lovely comfy bed in a pretty room that can be darkened so it's like the middle of the night.  I have a hard time resisting the temptation to take a nap on my very comfortable mattress.  The problem is, once I lay down its hard to get up again.  I usually take a long nap on Sundays and it usually impacts my sleep by reducing the amount of time I spend in deep sleep.  When I resist the urge to rest and close my eyes I have a far more productive period of sleep.  I find that if I feel a bit fatigued when I go to bed at night I feel better in the morning and ready to perform my initial morning routine.  I am grateful for fatigue.

Beef

I had a lot of beef for lunch today  I had purchased several roasts and after cutting one into steak sized slices for freezing I kept the other in the refrigerator and sliced it into somewhat thinner slices as needed for lunch.  The roasts I purchased were boneless and very nice in terms of being sliced, but they were a bit lean and therefore not very tender.  However I found that if I braised them after browning them on one side I got a quantity of lovely dark brown liquid that makes the perfect sauce for when I eat the beef.  A little pepper and some Himalayan salt to enhance the flavor and I am perfectly willing to take on the task of chewing the meat.  Although beef can be expensive, I have encountered one sale after another that kept the price in the hamburger range.  I feel more confident of adequate cooking when I handle beef since pork requires a more thorough cooking and chicken can be finicky.  So I am grateful at this time for beef.

Exemplars

Tomorrow I plan to participate in a Day of Mourning in protest of the increasing number of libertine abortion laws that are exemplified by the law passed in New York State which removes the alleged protections that were supposed to be applied to make abortion safe and un-common.  I will wear black, stay home and stay off the internet, not shop.  The movement was started by a store owner in New York State who closed his bookstore after the libertine law was passed with ghoulish rejoicing by the New York Legislature and signed into being with great fanfare by Governor Cuomo.  He closed it for one day and posted a sign explaining his actions.  Some states, such as Utah which recently passed a law against aborting babies with Down's Syndrome as the only cause, and Idaho which is contemplating a law that acknowledges the murderous nature of abortion, are bucking the trend.  I am grateful for the bookseller who served as an exemplar.

Fresh air

I dislike the cold of winter and I dislike hot weather as well.  My early life was spent in Utah where there is little humidity to emphasize the effects of cold and hot. I spent more than 20 years in Virginia where a warm summer day can feel like living inside a hot sponge because of the lack of evaporation.  My first experience of long-term humidity came when I moved to the coast of California between Los Angeles and Santa Barbara.  In Utah 60° on autumn or spring day seemed pleasantly warm.   In California 60 degrees seemed cold because 30° below body temperature was emphasized by the humidity.  Whether Virginia Utah or California I found there were enough days that were unpleasant that I really never developed the habit of walking regularly except during a brief period in the early two thousands and I gave up the use of a car with the deliberate intention of forcing myself to walk.  I went back to using a car rather reluctantly at the request of others for their own convenience.  Yet I enjoy fresh air and lately I have taken steps to enjoy more of it than I have in some time.  I have tasted the air on the beaches from Hawaii to Crete, from Oregon to Florida and I am grateful for fresh air.

Blue

As an artist my eye is attuned to seeing a variety of colors that I have been trained to discern.  I believe that many, if not most, people see a more abstracted range of colors.  It is like the gorilla test.  You tend to ignore those things that you are not particularly attuned to.  Those who hike or have an occupational interest in color discernment are also likely to have greater color sight but it might be limited to a given color that is of particular interest.  I painted my room with navy paint and got navy curtains and navy vinyl for a table top and chairs.  Most of the time I don't notice the subtle variation in the various shades.  But the navy serves as a lovely background for the other items in my studio such as the rugs, one for prayer, the other for beauty, the chairs, which are covered in a warm medium blue, and the paintings which feature a variety of scenes and objects, but all of which have a blue theme.  I am fond of color, all colors.  My wardrobe reveals my wide ranging taste, but my favorite color is blue.  I like the way it makes me feel.  I am grateful for eyes that see blue.

Non-PC

This is a backup post for yesterday night.  I went to bed without remembering this gratitude blog because my son and I binge watched the Jack Ryan first season on Amazon.  Tom Clancy, the originator of the Ryan character is one of the executive producers and it shows in the storyline.  The main terrorist who is the focus of Ryan's efforts is not completely unsympathetic.  On the other hand you can recognize the evil that he does without apology.  I am grateful that the media and Hollywood usual narrative that makes heroes of people who are not worthy of that title simply because of their membership in a given ethnic group and makes demons of others in the wrong different ethnic group was not evident in this program.

Super Power

When I first made a change to being an orderly person compared to my lifelong rather chaotic and random behavior I was angry at myself for not doing so earlier.  Life is much easier when simple routine keeps my home pleasant and unburdened by heaps of indefinite objects that require being categorized at some undefinable point. 
The first possible benefit of my delayed awakening came when I observed its effect on some of my grandchildren.  I saw their behavior change and the effect it had on the home where they live.  It is rather like the effect my daughter Trisha's weight loss and long term maintenance had on some of the other members of her family.  Seeing her succeed after years of bouncing from diet to diet and weight to weight is an inspiration to the rest of us that this goal is attainable.
Now that I have become fairly well established in this new behavior I have respect for a sort of 'super power' that was present but not as effective as it could have been.  I long recognized that I had a particular talent for building systems, but I did not maintain them.  I had a place for everything but I did not take the time or effort to put them in their place.  Now that I have developed a discipline to maintain order I find myself delighted by the systems already in place.  I am mildly talented in several areas including art, but I think overall my ability to systematize is a super power and I am grateful for it.

Music

I am not a musician but at least two of my children are serious musicians, both very talented although neither is technically a professional.  I don't have a particular taste in music.  I am more interested in the effect that various performances have on me.  This year in July I attended the performance in the LDS Conference Center that marked the 24th of July with a performance of Oscar Hammerstein pieces performed variously by the choir, the orchestra at Temple Square, the organist and some soloists with noted careers.  My favorite piece was a thunderous performance of 'The Wedding Processional from 'The Sound of Music' on the organ. I was enchanted with most of the performances.  I was already familiar with all the pieces so the way they were performed was the key to my enjoyment  Today a fairly talented pianist performed the song 'A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief' during church.  She 'accompanied' the choir, but her performance was full of fancy flare that showed off her mastery of the keyboard with slight reference to the emotions roused by the words of the song.  I could tell she was an accomplished musician but I was not moved by her performance, her technique got in the way.  In the Temples organists are asked to play simple renditions of the hymns, drawing attention to the memories we all have of well known lyrics with a smooth performance of the melodies.  When I hear an unaccustomed melody or song I listen with an attitude that is willing to enjoy, but still a bit judgemental.  I am grateful for the power of music to invoke memory.

Fit

And the more than 60 years since I became an adult my weight is married by more than 100 pounds from below 140 to a high of over 260.  My most recent weight-loss was associated with cancer in my large intestine.  In the period following the surgery my weight dropped close to 140 pounds but in more than four years since it has stabilized at around 200 pounds.  I had come to consider this my normal weight although chart say it is overweight for someone of my height of around 5'9".  I recently began a carnivore diet, not for the purpose of losing weight, but because I understand it might reduce the floaters in my eyes.  Some of my favorite pieces of clothing including a red wool coat that I purchased when I was near my lowest weight will fit me better if I lose weight now.  Clothing is more comfortable when it fits properly.  Lately I have been grateful for a proper fit in an item that can cause discomfort when it isn't fit properly.  I hope to be aware of keeping things fitting if I lose weight.

Birthdays

Today two of my grandsons shared a birthday.  One turned five, the other fifteen.  I have been trying to organize a skating opportunity for the six older children in the family but colds and other obstacles delayed the event.  I feared that the younger brother would feel upset when I removed his three older brothers and his three older sisters for such an interesting project.  To alleviate his feeling of exclusion I went to their home with balloons, a gift for him  plus a bottle filled with one of his favorite treats, candied kiwi fruit slices, and a large baking pan filled with what I call popcorn with gooey on it.  It consists of popcorn coated with a candy mixture prepared by adding dry milk granules and chunky peanut butter to a caramel syrup at soft ball stage.  I added colored sprinkles to add a party touch to the treat. The balloons were a great success and the candy covered popcorn was a hit.  It caused the younger child no apparent distress when I took the older children to the skating oval.  None of them had ever ice skated before and one had not even worn roller skates, but they stayed on the ice for almost two hours and the youngest made great progress.  All of them were happy with the experience.  It was worth my time and planning to make both the party at the home and the party at the skating rink successful.  I am grateful that the occasion of birthdays provide the motivation for such fun.

Silk and Cotton

I am a natural fabric aficianado.  I like cotton or silk next to my skin, and my nightgown, pillow cases, sheets and comforter are either silk or cotton.   I always feel like luxuriating in the soft feel of silk against my skin, nearly rivaled by soft cotton.  But the makers of artificial fabrics claim to have exceeded the luxury of silk with their micro fibers.  However there is more to the story.
 Years ago one of my daughters performed a Science Fair experiment.  She suspended  four 1" x 4" strips of white woven fabric over dishes of water.  One strip was silk, another 100% cotton, another 100% polyester, the fourth 50% cotton and 50% polyester.  She dipped each strip in the water and timed how long it took the strip to absorb the water and how long it took the strip to dry.  The 100% cotton and the silk performed almost identically.  They absorbed the water relatively slowly, but the water evaporated relatively quickly, relative, that is, to both the mixed and pure polyester.  The polyester quickly absorbed the water, with very little difference between the 100% and the 50/50 blend.  Then it took a while for the water to evaporate. 
In the arid climate where I now live this is significant to comfort in the summer.  Cotton t-shirts and silk blouses don't wick the sweat from skin immediately as do polyester fabrics.  The passing breeze can evaporate the moisture with a cooling effect.  Then, whatever moisture passes to the silk and cotton is also evaporated with a further cooling effect.  The polyester fabric keeps the moisture in its complicated matrix for longer, forming a barrier to the breeze.  This can make a significant difference on a hot, dry day.
I have lived in Virginia and coastal Southern California and visited at length in Florida, New York City and the Pacific Northwest, all humid climates.  Even there where humidity can approach saturation, I find that cotton and silk are more comfortable.
I am grateful for the comfort of cotton and silk. 

Random?

For years I have been bothered by 'floaters', the random bits that obscure my eyesight with their odd shadows.  I had eye surgery in 2017 and asked the opthalmologist what could be done about them.  He said there was nothing that could be done.  I searched the internet for an answer and decided that I would simply have to live with the random dance of the protein fragments that obscure my sight.  Then today I was listening to Jordan Peterson and his daughter Michaela being interviewed as a followup to an interview they had made 7 years ago when both were heavily medicated for a variety of problems including depression  JBP looked pudgy anda diff vague although his keen intellect was revealed as he spoke.  His daughter mainly looked puffy and sad.  Four years later in 2016 they looked very different after beginning a mostly carnivore diet.  JBP mentioned the alleviation of a number of symptoms, among them chronic fatigue and depression, but then he mentioned that he had long been bothered by 'floaters' which the diet had largely eliminated.  I have experimented with various diets over the past sixty years.  Most were relatively ineffective until I went on a ketogenic diet or low-carb diet with my sisters in 2000.  I lost sixty pounds, bringing me to around 200 lbs. before I read a book that convinced me to go low protein to prevent cancer.   Four years ago I had a tumor removed from my gut and ended up treating myself with alternatives to radiation and chemo-therapy.  First I did a cleansing routine that used various spices and herbs to treat various organs while on a mostly vegetable juice diet.  I got near 140 lbs. which worried me.  However I became rather lazy about my eating habits and gained back to around 200 lbs.  My main health complaints are low energy, floaters and numb feet. as well as overweight and dry skin.  It is possible that going on a carnivore diet will address most of my problems.  So I believe I will be grateful for what seems at first to be random occurrence. 

Stairs

Today I climbed a lot of stairs compared to my normal practice.  I parked close to the far end of the parking garage when I got to the Provo City Center Temple this morning and I decided to take the grand staircase to the waiting room for the first time since I began to attend the PCCT regularly more than a year ago.  I have been climbing the spiral staircase between the instruction room and the terrestrial room from the beginning but I took the elevator otherwise.  I believe that was why I was able to take the grand staircase today with no difficulty.  I plan to continue to extend my ability to climb stairs and I'm grateful I can do so.

Challenge

Since resolving to do a few simple exercises each morning while I listen to my scriptures I haven't missed a day.  I know the next step is to add some aerobic exercise.  I have decided to start this by the simple method of parking at the end of the parking lot under the temple area that's increasing the walking I do each morning I go to the temple.  I had considered going to the store and walking but the stringency of my current budget interferes with this idea.  It is winter it is cold and I have not ever been really fond of walking.  Even so I know that it will be good for me.  In addition to walking I plan to institute a program of eating between 7 AM and 7 PM with breakfast and lunch being my largest meals and a relatively smaller meal in the evening.  I read an article that talked about three ways to keep brain function.  These included periodic 24 hour fast which I do as part of my religious observations as well as a daily period of 12 hours without eating which I plan to start.  The next was engaging in a variety of activities that challenge creativity and thinking which I do as part of my artwork.  Aerobic exercise was the third idea.  At this time of my life I am very blessed that the challenges I face are mediated by self-discipline.

Black Dogs

I have video surveillance of my house and yard.  At 11 PM last night two black dogs ran onto my front porch where I had stashed a stainless steel canister with a spring loaded lid filled with freshly made chicken broth that I planned to use for one of the Chinese stir-fry dishes I prepared for my family for a Lunar New Year celebration.  The freezing weather and the lack of refrigerator space dictated my decision to store the broth overnight on the porch.  Apparently there was enough of the broth smell to attract the dogs and they grabbed the canister and ran off with it.  A few minutes later one of the dogs returned to check out if there was any more.  Viewing the dark image this morning bothered me.  But at least the porch pirates weren't human.  When I compared this relatively minor loss to the troubles faced by many of my neighbors I am reminded of how fine my life is at this time.  I have the strength and health to help to others.  I am grateful for this reminder.

Food and Family

Today Ralph, Lelia and Diana came up and made cupcakes and tuna noodle casserole with my supervision.  At lunch the entire family came and enjoyed the food they had made.  Nine of the 12 Hancocks really liked the tuna noodle casserole including baby James. This evening I've been making preparations for a Chinese new year meal tomorrow.  I just took a really nice batch of almond cookies out of the oven.  I expect that we will have at least three families join us tomorrow.  I'm preparing dishes that have been a tradition for many years.  I am grateful I am able to share them with my family.

Imperfection

I have been studying various self-improvement methods.  A common thread is setting goals and gaining a proper focus.  I have never had a lack of aspiration but sometimes I felt that I didn't have the energy or know-how to improve to.  I have so many imperfections.  I am brash, I over react.  I am undisciplined.  I am self-indulgent.  My body has aged more than it should have if I had taken proper care with exercise and diet and I am no longer young enough to regain what I have lost with neglect.  In other words, if I concentrated on the ways I fall short of my aspirations I could become very unhappy.
On the other hand I know the direction I need to travel.  I have already taken a number of steps toward reigning in my grosser errors.  I am better off in many ways than I was this time last year.  Aging is inevitable, but I have learned to catch myself sooner when I deviate from the course I know is best for me.  I don't just subside or continue in a rut, I make an effort.  I overcome my natural reluctance to get up early, take a small amount of exercise, listen to the scriptures, pray on my knees, cook and eat a healthy breakfast, shower and put on fresh clothing, keep my laundry from becoming a pile, keep my house organized and fairly clean, proceed with projects whether art or home and yard improvement, abstain from temptation in the form of useless games and internet shopping, set a tight limit to social media and visit the temple for three ordinances twice weekly.  
There are still many opportunities for getting better.  I have begun to work on keeping a budget.  Fortunately I am not in debt, but I am on the edge and need to establish more distance in the form of regular savings.  Now that I have established a simple daily exercise routine I plan to extend my investment in fitness in other ways. 
So I have things to do and miles to go before I feel it is appropriate to rest my efforts.  This is truly a blessing. 

April

April has real problems.  She is going blind and most of her vital systems are in failure.  Her husband Ed is in the rehabilitation center after breaking his femur only days after returning home from the rehab center after nearly dying.  I have been driving April to appointments and shopping in her van that is fitted out to hold her wheelchair and extend a ramp.  It gives me exercise and provides a certain period of time when I know that I am serving someone other than myself.  She has a merry soul and makes friends wherever she goes.  She is undemanding considering the demands that must be met simply to get her where she is going  I joke with her and she laughs and she jokes with me.  We don;t talk a lot about her various problems, we just deal with them.  I am grateful I have the opportunity to serve April, and just hang out with her.

Saws

I am a saw aficionado.  Somehow I have accumulated a very impressive collection of saws, both manual and mechanical.  In my studio I have a number of saws used for cutting glass.  One is a band saw with a narrow blade coated with diamond particles, another saw is based on a 7" ring about 1/8" thick that I am gradually learning to use.  The third is based on the jig saw motif.  I find it difficult to use.  I also have a variety of Dremel saws that cut glass, metal and plastic with disks.  The only hand saw I have in my studio is a very versatile Japanese style trim saw.  On the other hand I have a variety of hand saws in a range of sizes in my workshop and my yard tool collection.  When it comes to electric saws I have a chain saw, a miter saw, a jig saw, a band saw, a 4" blade rotary saw, a 7" blade rotary saw, two table saws and an electric miter saw. 
With all these saws I have often encountered the problem of dulling.  My favorite saws need sharpening, or in some cases where sharpening isn't applicable, such as in blades coated with abrasive particles that wear away, the only way to sharpen the saw is to change the blade. 
Continuing to work with a dull blade is a waste of time and effort. 
While studying '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' I learned that the final habit for effectiveness is called 'Sharpen the Saw'.  From what I have seen it means to review, repent and renew.  I am grateful that I have gained the insight that I can improve and move forward.  I'm glad I can 'Sharpen the Saw'.

Talitha

Talitha turned 21 years old today.  Her parents were informed she had Down's Syndrome before she was born and they chose to go forward in faith even though some of the risks were well known.  Her parents make sure she has every chance to explore the world to the limits of her capacity.  She takes dance lessons and loves musicals, especially 'The Greatest Showman'.  She has danced at proms and participated in half marathons.  She loves the color red and things that sparkle.  She is loving and generous.  I am grateful for Talitha.

Song

Because of various emotions, promotions, commotions, and the misuse of an emblem in demonstration singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl was toxic to almost every singer with any fame.  Gladys Knight stood forward and sang.  I am grateful for her song.

Fasting

Once a month I fast from food and liquids of all kinds for twenty-four hours.  The intent of the fast is nominally to save the money I would have spent on food and donate it to a special fund that is used to meet the needs of the poor among us.  I always have a focus for my fast, someone or something for which I focus my prayer.  All active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, who are physically able, fast at least once a month for two meals or twenty-four hour, usually on the first weekend of the month.  The first Sunday of the month is called 'Fast Sunday and the general church meeting that day is called Fast and Testimony Meeting.  It differs from other Sunday meetings because instead of having assigned speakers members of the congregation bear their testimonies as the Spirit moves them.  I enjoy these meetings more than other meetings for several reasons. First, the speakers give brief witnesses.  They testify of truth.  Lengthy speeches and long stories are discouraged.  People of all kinds from children to elderly, the ' strangers in our midst, and male and female speak.  Sometimes they tell brief stories about miracles and blessings they have recently experienced.  Sometimes they sing.  Notes are rarely if ever used.  Facades are discarded.  Hearts are bared.  If all I did was abstain from food without praying or participating, if only as a listener in the testimony meeting the fast would have a beneficial effect on my body but I am grateful that the time I spend taming my hunger and thirst is part of something greater.

Groceries

I am trying to develop a budget in order to gain more control of my finances.  At this time I am in the fortunate position of having no debt and having a modest savings and a home and car I own  Since food and clothing are the areas that can be moderated at need to some extent they are a reasonable focus if I hope to increase my savings.  As I considered the foods I ordinarily purchase and eat I am reminded of all the variety that can be found in almost any grocery store.  Foods from around the world mingle with foods that have been common for centuries.  I can purchase ingredients to  make dishes from almost every culture on earth, let alone the major cultures of Hispanic, Chinese, Scandinavian and Mediterranean.  I am grateful for the wide and wonderful variety of groceries.